Brian’s Perspective - Old Blog

It is hard to know what to write about being a Father when you are one.  Sure, it would be easy to tell you, “Straighten up!  Get it right!  Be a better Dad!”  Somehow, though, I don’t think it would help or even be what Fathers need to hear.  After all, we are told on a daily basis that what we do is not good enough.  I saw a commercial for a major hardware chain that played Dad off as a simpleton to be manipulated by the wife and kids to get what they want.  That commercial communicates what a lot of people believe:  Dad is dumb and a dork.  So, since Dad already hears messages (lies!) that he is not good enough, my telling Dad to shape up is not going to have any beneficial effect; I choose not to do it.

So what do I write?  What can I tell Dads that is going to make a difference in their lives?  What is going to help them be a better Dad?  I am sitting here trying to remember my Dad through my childhood eyes.  I don’t remember what he bought me.  I don’t remember how he worked in the yard.  What I remember are the precious pieces of time minutes, hours, even the seconds that he spent with me.   The time he showed me how to hammer or how to mow the lawn in a straight line.  I remember standing in the pouring rain setting up an RV we had rented for a weekend at the lake.  I remember playing catch with my Dad in Wichita before a baseball game–time stood still then.  I remember the time Dad took us roller skating when he could have been studying.  I remember building pine wood derby cars.  And yet, I barely remember any of the Christmas and Birthday gifts I ever received (sorry!).  All of the moments I remember are moments I spent with my Dad.

So I suppose that if all of the moments I remember are those moments of being in my Dad’s life, it is almost a certainty that the times my kids will remember most are those moments being with me in my life.  It has been over a year since Joshua and I took hammer to wood and made something.  I have promised to take him fishing, but have not got around to doing it.  Zachary loves to play ball and we have not played catch in some time.  And where does the time go:  working more than needed, focussing on school, spending time with myself on my own hobbies, TV, etc.  I guess that all needs to change; I would like my boys to have some good memories.

We get so wrapped up in what we do and what we “have” to do that we rarely have an opportunity to determine what it is that we want to do.  And so I am making a decision today to be a Dad.  I chose to be informed about my kids and be an active participant in their lives.  I will have time for hobbies and things when they leave home to become Dad’s for their own children.  Maybe the best thing we can do to make a difference in our lives as Dads is to make a differences in our children’s lives.  This year for Father’s day, I don’t want to receive a thing, just be given an opportunity to give to my children a little more of my time.